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“Congratulations, you stood up a normal amount of time” - something I *choose* to wear 1 day ago
RT @weirdbrunch: 🍳 @weirdbrunch S3 EP32 Go Piss Girl bit.ly/39l2lDb BTYB Hot Diet Coke ~ The Official Drink of Weird Brunch @whi… 5 days ago
after 20 minutes of #doordash being down, we have resorted to ~calling in~ an order - and speaking to someone? not… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 5 days ago
Mmmmm ok - was there actually something sent out to people that we were gonna start bringing “the devil’s in the de… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 5 days ago
“I’m following you” - a threat - a compliment - a cult maybe all 3…? 1 week ago
The sexual tension between “it’s” and “something else” when the robot is asking why you called… 1 week ago
May he who hath not filled a hand vac with house bugs throw the first stone https://t.co/kXuayrxh6s 1 week ago
I’m not joking, I could have talked w BFF @aduncancarson for like 6 hours straight. (We didn’t - this is a normal l… twitter.com/i/web/status/1… 1 week ago
When people remember something I said years ago - or anything about me, it’s like… why are you so obsessed with me? 1 week ago
Hi - I’m in line for a Neil Gaiman signing and am in peak “people watching” 🧵? 1 week ago

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